Look, I get it: You got caught up in all of that “No more politics-as-usual!” mania, right? You wanted to “Drain the swamp!” You bought into the Right Wing’s vilification of “Crooked Hillary,” and for some (probably sexist) reason, you couldn’t stomach the thought of her being your president, so you cast a vote for Donald Trump in the hopes that he really would “Make America
White Great Again.” I get it. I mean, I’m not giving you a pass for it — you’re still a shortsighted fool at best and a misogynistic, xenophobic, homophobic racist at worst — but I get it.
It has become painfully clear, however, that, during the campaign season, a whole bunch of you weren’t paying attention to what a hateful, shallow, dimwitted, reprehensible, ill-tempered, mean-spirited, unqualified douche canoe Donald Trump really is — and let’s just agree that your failure to realize that prior to election day is utterly inexcusable, but here we are.
Maybe you were one of those “Take him seriously but not literally” types who didn’t realize that Donald Trump’s intellect is not a complex set of tools capable of making delicate distinctions, but rather a single, clumsily balanced sledgehammer.
Maybe you were one of those “He’ll dial it down once he takes office” types who also believes in magical, talking, baby-seal unicorn puppies covered in glitter.
Maybe you were, in fact, a racist, homophobic, xenophobic, misogynistic reprobate on election day but have since found enlightenment.
Whatever the case, the good news is: You have a path to redemption.
On the day I entered the Army, I boarded a bus outside the Atlanta airport and traveled to my basic-training post in Alabama. Upon arrival, the other recruits and I were given one opportunity to throw into an “Amnesty Barrel” any items of contraband — cigarettes, drugs, weapons, pornography, et cetera — that we may have unwisely brought with us. If we availed ourselves of the opportunity to dispose of said contraband, we would face no repercussions. If, however, we later were caught with such items, we would be held very much accountable for making such an ill-advised choice.
This is your “Amnesty Barrel” moment, Trump voters … and you have two options: Further embarrass yourself by pledging your continued allegiance to a man whom history will remember as a complete and utter disgrace … or admit that you made a horrible mistake and disavow him.
I know doing the latter will not be easy … especially when the mistake for which you must take responsibility is one of the darkest stains on our nation’s history. I mean, my god, you Trump voters are directly responsible for EVERY SINGLE AWFUL THING this guy has done and will do to our country. That’s gotta be embarrassing … but, listen: doubling down on your poor choice by continuing to insist that this petty, petulant, narcissistic, maniacal blowhard speaks for you is a decision that I promise will not age well.
Donald Trump’s presidency is going to end badly. In just three short weeks, he has made Nixon, the most disgraced president of the modern age, look like an Eagle Scout. Do not doubt for a second that there is a long and ugly fall in Mr. Trump’s future.
“Not so,” you insist? OK, let’s go with that premise. Let’s say that, by some miracle, the Tweeter in Chief makes it to the end of his term. He will never be re-elected … assuming he runs again, that is; I’m not convinced he’s even remotely interested in keeping the job. In fact, I don’t think he ever really wanted it to begin with. My guess is that he still can’t believe so many of you bought his act the first time around.
But here’s the thing: Donald and the spineless Republican Congress simultaneously cowering before him and using him as an excuse to rob the store have awakened something far larger and more determined than they bargained for … and I think they already know it. I think they’ve seen it in the streets and they’ve heard it on their phone lines and they’ve read it in their faxes and emails. And I think that’s exactly why they are ignoring the cries of their constituents and barreling ahead with their short-sighted, self-serving agenda: They know it’s their last chance. They know that they’re going to get swept out in the 2018 midterms, and they know that a Democratic president will take back the White House in 2020, and they know that we will not forget, and that we will never again allow our country to be hijacked by people whose motives are rooted in fear, ignorance, hatred and intolerance … and so they are executing one final, all-out cash/power grab, regardless of how bad it looks.
So here’s your chance. This is your moment to get off of a train barreling towards certain destruction.
Thankfully, some of you already are coming to your senses:
— Agile QA Services (@AgileQAServices) February 9, 2017
— jakethesnake (@heringtonr) February 9, 2017
— The Bunk (@DetectiveBunk) February 6, 2017
— Debbie Nelson (@debbienelson57) February 7, 2017
No, Debbie, unfortunately, you can’t take your vote back … and even more unfortunately, had you burned the three-calories’-worth of critical thought required to determine that Donald Trump was a horrible choice to begin with, perhaps we wouldn’t all be in this mess right now.
But, OK, listen: I’m willing to say that we’re in the “Amnesty Barrel” phase, alright? I mean, the tweets I included above are just a few of the more than a thousand compiled by @Trump_Regrets … and whenever I read that account, I want to respond to Debbie and her ilk with a tsunami of incredulity-fueled profanity … but I’ve restrained myself, because I realize that, regardless of how badly I want to berate Debbie and others like her, neither they, nor we, can change the past; we can only write a better future … and that future will be more easily written if people like Debbie join the ranks of those of us working to fix the damage that she has done.
So Debbie, now is the time for you and those like you to join our ranks. Failure to do so will simply mark you as those against whom we will continue to tirelessly fight. We will drown out your voices, and we will do so easily, because there are MILLIONS more of us than there are of you. This is your chance to get on the right side of history. Heck, we don’t even care if you lie and say you were here all along. It’s what you do next that matters most.
Of course, I know that some of you will not heed my warning. You will say “libtard” and “snowflake” and “#MAGA” and all of the silly, juvenile things that, I swear to you, do not bother any of us in the least, and only serve to expose you as the non-argument-having, intellectually bankrupt frauds that you are. Here’s my response to that:
When your best argument is “libtard” & “snowflake,” you can’t be expected to understand that you’re trapped in the same burning house as us.
— Jon@ScratchPolitics (@ScratchPolitics) February 1, 2017
So don’t worry: Whether or not you’re with us, I assure you: We’ve got this.